BIG news about our Tiny girl!

I just wanted to share with you all that our adoption was finalized in Indiana this month!  This has been such a rollercoaster of emotion, and I can now officially speak freely about Ellie (her brand new official name is Elizabeth but we call her Ellie).

Everyone has been asking about how she's doing.  I've been very shy to post on social media any photos or medical updates.  It is a delicate process when you have social workers in your home and life and I wanted to be cautious about all of that. Although I have to say, we completely LOVED our social worker.  I really felt that she was FOR US, and that I could ask or say anything.  She saw a lot of tears across our kitchen table as we talked about Ellie's lack of developmental progress and growth, and shared our tears of joy that we feel so blessed to be her parents.

Little Ellie is still VERY Little Ellie.  She is almost 11 months and still wears a size 1 diaper and 3-6 months clothes.  She sees several specialists: gastroenterologist/nutritionist, cardiologist, neurologist, and her pediatrician.  She receives developmental intervention and physical therapy at our house.  We are now stocked with a living room full of therapy equipment.  She has dropped into the "severe developmental delay" category, but is working hard. She is now full of smiles and coos, and has started to babble with consonant sounds.  We are really encouraged by that because Abbey never made any consonant sounds. She can't sit up, can't eat baby food yet, and takes a high calorie formula condensed to add even more calories per ounce.  But, she sleeps great, still naps, and really loves to eat her toes.

Her big brother had to write a personal narrative for school.  When I got to see it, it was all about her adoption. He talked about how hard it was to wait to meet her while we were flying out to Indiana, and that sometimes he couldn't sleep because he was so excited and sometimes he couldn't sleep because "my stomach was in knots." He talks about going to court, getting spit up on, and how much he loves his little sister. He is quite determined to teach her how to say his name! Sometimes when she's cranky I will give her to him and he walks her around a little and she falls to sleep.  He gets a big kick out of this and is sure to tell me that HE is the one with the "magic touch."  I love seeing God shaping his heart and using his sisters to make him, and his little brother, into a man of great character.  I don't care what jobs/careers my boys end up having in life if they know how to love God and love others...it's all that matters to me.

How am I?  That's a whole different post. LOL  God is shaping my heart too.  Sometimes it's hard and I don't want to change or surrender my plans and hopes and dreams for this sweet girl.  But I trust that the God who created her, sustained her in the womb despite the trauma of drugs and alcohol, and then saved her life after a traumatic delivery and lack of oxygen at birth HAS HER IN HIS HANDS.  Before she was my little girl, she was his.  I believe he has great big plans for this tiny baby. She's a miracle, you know? 

But now she's officially OUR miracle, and that feels really great.

No Guilt Allowed

Today I'm over at the Different Dream website discussing my sigh of relief when Abbey goes back to school after break, and why I don't feel bad about it anymore!

Click here to read this post NO guilt allowed

Abbey and Ellie update..it's been so long!!

Hi friends!  It's been a LONG time.  We finished our book last summer and have been working hard at the editing, marketing, and pre-publishing process.  I can't wait to share it with you! Here is the link for it on Amazon.  It's on sale right now, so grab a copy to share with a parent who needs to be encouraged!

Refresh: Spiritual Nourishment for Parents of Children with Special Needs

 After such a long time without blogging, I'm excited to get back into it and share life with you again.  I thought you might enjoy an Abbey and Ellie update. Here's a picture of the two Sisters!!!

Abbey turned 14.  WHAT!!???  She is turning into a young woman in every sense of the word, and hormone swings are in full throttle in our house.  It's been a difficult year in some ways because we are all learning how to adjust to what she is feeling but can't express.  We had one morning where she walked out of her room at the same time as Jayden and just grabbed him by the shirt and shoved him back into his room.  He threw his hands up and said, "What did I do!??  All I did was wake up!"  But we all had a good laugh after our firm talk with Abbey about keeping her hands to herself.  She is still full of joy with lots of love to share with anyone.  She's always teaching me what real love looks like.

Ellie is a tiny tot!  I've been hesitant to talk much about her online because our adoption is not final.  You can keep praying for continued growth and brain healing.  She has a long way to go and we are moving much slower than this momma would like.  I feel like I'm learning all the hard lessons all over again....I wonder sometimes if God is like, "Seriously Kimberly??  Didn't we already cover this one?" haha  I know he is a patient father and I'm incredibly grateful for that. He not only understands my tears over this, but I know in my heart he has compassion for me and for my girls. 

My girls...plural. I never, EVER thought I would say that.  God had other plans, and I'm so glad.  My heart is so full of love for our little surprise.  I'm being so stretched...sometimes too thin, but I ask you to pray for me and for our family as we work hard to surrender to His plans and purposes.  I've been listening to that new song Thy Will on a regular basis.  WOW  is it powerful!   Including it after this for you.  If you haven't heard it, grab some tissues first!

Thy Will by Hilary Scott

BACK TO THE BLOG

I am excited to announce that my break from the blog has resulted in my first book being published with my co-author Jocelyn Green!  Here is the link for the pre-order on amazon

Refresh:Spiritual Nourishment for Parents of Children with Special Needs

Thank you to everyone who has supported us, and contributed to this project.  It was a very emotionally fulfilling, and occasionally draining, process. But my heart is out there for the world to read, and I'm really praying that it encourages people in their walk with Christ.  Or better yet, that hurting families might find hope, joy, and  peace in a relationship with Jesus. Also, I will be getting back to the blogging, and would LOVE it if you would subscribe to the blog for future posts!  The link is in the upper right hand corner of this page! Thanks!

I'm still here!

I'm still here!   I am spending all my writing energy either on our book or over at the Different Dream website!  We are having a great summer, and I covet your prayers as I approach my Sept. 20th deadline for our first draft.  VERY EXCITING!!

Today I'm over at the Different Dream website, please read and share if you have the time!  Don't forget to subscribe to this blog in the upper right hand corner!

Home is Not Where We think it is

New House, New Book, Same Smile

Hi friends!  Guess what, after many months after selling our house we are finally in the new one!  We've been settled for about a month now and finally have the internet. With the exception of my computer, we have all settled in very well.  I have a serious space bar problem with my keyboard (among many other issues including the battery) and it takes me forever to type because it doesn't work most of the time and I have to go back and manually insert a space between words.  A new computer is on the horizon since I have a NEW BOOK to write with my friend Jocelyn Green!! If you missed that announcement, you can read about it here:

New Book Contracted for Parents of kids with Special Needs

I'm trying hard to get back to the blog though and came across this picture the other day that I had to share.

This is Abbey at her school's winter concert.  She was OVERJOYED to be "singing" at her concert and dancing with the movement group.  She put on quite a show! This picture really captures the best of her and I felt it was a perfect example of  Psalm 28:7  which reads, " The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him."

More to write and tell you about soon, but I would love to leave you with a question.  What is just one reason you have for great JOY in your life?  

Finding out your sister is disabled

Hi friends!  This summer was crazy and several of you have asked for a family and  "Abbey update."  First of all, I managed to develop two pre-ulcer spots in my stomach over the summer that caused me much grief!  After my first endoscopy, I had a blood pressure reaction and spent some time in the ER. Ryan was away with our youth group, and it was an extremely difficult month.  I made some major changes to my diet (no more soda...or regular coffee..or tomatoes), and started some medication that really helped.  I'm happy to say that as of two weeks ago, I am all healed up!  Thank you for your prayers and calls over the summer.  You have no idea how much I needed them.

In addition to that, we sold our house and are closing on that sale sometime next week.  What a whirlwind.  We were THRILLED to find a house in our town that is a short-sale, and has good accessibility for Abbey.  We are still waiting to hear back from the bank on that house, but will be in a transient state for at least a month.  All of our things are packed up in storage or at Ryan's parents, and we move our final things out this week.

Abbey is doing fantastic.  She did end up with pneumonia in September, but recovered well and is back to her sweet smile and disposition.  She continues to go to therapeutic riding and loves it.  School has been a welcome routine, and the teachers and staff there are amazing individuals.  She has made some good progress at school with the i-pad for speech, but still prefers to use sign language and gestures at home. This brings me to the topic for this post.

Our youngest son has just realized that Abbey doesn't talk, and at three and a half is very happy to do it for her.  For instance, the other morning he says to me, "Abbey would like a drink.....we want some chocolate milk."  The things that he says for her are so funny. If someone talks to Abbey directly, he promptly lets them know that she is disabled and can't talk. He makes an adorable moment out of something that was frequently awkward for me. He has become quite the interpreter! Occasionally I will catch him watching her intently...he will turn to me and say, "Abbey is disabled."  It's sinking in like it did with our older son and I know in the next few years the kinds of questions I will be asked.  But while he's still so young and innocent, this awareness provides many laughs and tender moments.

Yesterday the kids were in the living room while I was packing boxes and he came running in.  "MOMMY!  You bedda come quick!"  I asked him why and he describes in his adorable lisp how Abbey is "pretendin' to be the mommy and makin' a BIG MESS!"  I found her at the sink with a paper plate, plastic fork, and an empty yogurt  container she pulled out of recycling.  I was so proud of him for recognizing that she was getting into things she shouldn't, and how he came so quickly to get me.  The sweetest moments are when she is upset though.  He will come and tell me that Abbey is crying and why.The compassion and empathy he has for her are growing more every day.  It's amazing, when you think about it, that despite her lack of words, Abbey has grown to trust all of us to interpret what she needs, wants, and feels on a moment to moment basis.  Every day of her life will be spent leaning on the capable mind and voice of someone else to speak and act on her behalf.

I don't know about you, but there are times in my life when there just aren't words to describe what I'm feeling and my prayers feel like they are so empty.  It's in those times that I'm encouraged by Abbey to learn to trust the capable mind and voice of the Father God who is always acting on my behalf. Romans 8:26-27 says, "²⁶ In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. ²⁷ And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God."  She follows with enthusiasm, she trusts that we will meet her needs, she sleeps like a baby without worry or fear and yet has no voice at all.   I want to learn to live like that.  You can learn to live like that.    Knowing that the Spirit sees our hearts, with compassion and empathy, and goes to the Father to intercede for us can give us the strength we need to learn how to trust that the Spirit of God sees our weakness and knows how to interpret what we can't find the words to say.
 

Funeral Rainbows...no accident!

In June of 2000, the day before Ryan and I were married, my Aunt Alona passed away from a brain tumor.  I loved her so much, and she was always quick to give a hug and a smile.  Occasionally she would come to visit with my mom and only I would be home.  I would do my best sign language and finger -spelling to have a nice visit.  You see, my aunt became deaf at the age of five from a case of the mumps.  My mom tells a sad story of watching her put her old records on a record player and just watching them spin around, but hearing nothing.  She was unexpectedly disabled. 

There are many things I could say about my aunt, but since this is the anniversary of going to the Lord, I wanted to share with you a “phenomenon” that happened on the day of her funeral.  On that day, our family saw a gigantic rainbow stretched across the sky.  Many people might think of it as a “sign” from their loved one.  But the Bible is very clear about what a rainbow is.  It was placed in the sky for the very first time by God himself as a sign of his promise to Noah.  Genesis 9:12-13 says, “ And God said, “This is the sign of the covenant I am making between me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come:  I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth.”

So a rainbow is a sign…from the very creator of the universe.  

So, I think it’s no coincidence, that on the day of my aunt’s funeral, the Lord saw fit to show an extravagant diffusion of light across the sky.  A sweet reminder to our family, that for thousands of years, he has kept his promises.   I believe God has a special place in his heart for the disabled.  In the book of Luke there is a parable about the kingdom of heaven where a rich man invites all the “upper-class” of his time to a lavish banquet, but no one can seem to make the time to come.  He tells his servant to go into the streets and bring the crippled, the lame, the blind, and the poor so that his house may be full.  I’m overwhelmed at this analogy to the kingdom of heaven. Heaven will be FULL of these beautiful people! And they will be completely healed.  How special that the first voice my aunt heard since the age of five was Jesus?  The first choir, a heavenly host? 

If one rainbow isn’t enough to convince you that this was a sign for us…how about two?  Last June, Ryan and I traveled to New Brunswick for the funeral of a friend’s daughter.  Little Emma lived with severe disabilities and a seizure disorder for seven years when the Lord decided to bring her to his banquet table.  In June of 2013, just over a year ago, we attended that funeral.  We drove the hour there in almost complete silence. Parents who share this road of disability have a special connection to each other.  We are tied at the soul to people we’ve never even met in person.  We went because we HAD to celebrate Emma, and we NEEDED to hug her mom Alison.  We felt so grateful that she was with God in her new body, and so sad for her family who already desperately missed her. As we were getting ready to leave the funeral, we walked outside only to see an enormous rainbow stretched across the parking lot.  Its peak was literally over our heads. I was speechless….there it was again.  I felt like God himself came down and kissed me on the forehead.  Reminding me that he’s still got the whole world in His hands.  That little Emma was welcomed into his presence with great rejoicing because she was uniquely created to bring him glory.  That her mind and body were no longer captive to this broken world. That He keeps his promises…

I don’t know what you are going through today.  I don’t know what obstacles you’re facing or trials you are enduring.  But as the anniversary of these two are in June, I can’t help but think of those rainbows and be reminded that God is faithful.  Be encouraged that He cares about our lives and our losses, and that he keeps his promises.   If you don’t have a relationship with him beyond an occasional prayer or check in the offering plate, I strongly urge you to build a relationship with the God of the universe who also uniquely created you to bring him glory.  He loves you so much! Perhaps he is drawing you in today?

Jeremiah 31:3 “The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: ‘I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.’ ”

Psalm 145:13 “Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and your dominion endures through all generations. The Lord is trustworthy in all he promises and faithful in all he does.”

Starting Over...Again

Monday nights are therapeutic riding lessons for Abbey.   We drive about forty five minutes  to get to an amazing facility that offers equine therapy for disabled children and adults.  Abbey is in one of her favorite places on earth.  Her instructor Kathy has been with her since the first lesson.  We still laugh about how she  kicked and screamed and didn't want to get on the horse. We decided we were both okay with just throwing her up there and start the horse walking.  Within seconds she was squealing with delight.  Smiling, waiving...my happy girl.  It's been three years since Kathy lugged her up onto a saddle.  She has made great strides and continues to surprise us with how much she is capable of and aware of despite being a non-verbal child. But, she has this bad habit of throwing the reins down to be funny.  Unfortunately, on a horse, this is not just a bad habit but a very dangerous one.

Kathy has been working hard to get her to stop this and to provide both adequate stimulation to keep her attentive, and consequences to eliminate the behavior.  She never gives up on her though.  They stop the horse, have a talk, and start again.  They do this over and over if they have to. Abbey is learning that if she drops the reigns, the fun stops.  If she holds on, wonderful activities and challenges are waiting for her. The goal is to keep her safe, and to grow her into a more mature rider.

I couldn't get this out of my mind tonight. How many of us are just like Abbey with those reigns?  We have habits and hang-ups that could be passed off as just "bad," but they are really so dangerous.  We might even think they're funny.  But they aren't funny. I'm sure the point isn't lost on you...you know where I'm going with this.

God isn't just some out there in the universe, all-knowing, but un-involved type of creator. We're his kids!  He's very invested in how well we're doing.  He wants nothing more than to give us wonderful activities and challenges that can shape us into more mature believers.  But it requires a tight hold and a close relationship.  There are no amount of routines and rituals that can replace a genuine love relationship. You can't just coast through life's lessons and drop the reigns whenever you feel like it.  He has so much more in store for us if we hold tight, learn from the best instructor, and keep walking.  If you don't have that kind of love relationship with Him, then I encourage you to seek out a local church, pastor, or friend that can help you through figuring that out.

I'll end with a prayer that came to mind while I was driving home tonight.  I hope it encourages you.


Lord,  help me.  Help me not to make light of habits that keep me from enjoying the ride we're on together.  Help me to hold onto you and to be safe in your care.  Help me not to let go of you, or to buy into the lie that sin isn't that big of a deal, especially in a world that thinks sin is funny. Thank you for stopping me in my tracks, for having a talk with me, and for letting me start over....again.