Is His Grace Sufficient Enough for Me? Part III

A month or so after we lost our son, a friend shared a song with me that changed everything.  I would play the song and cry and cry and cry, but I also found so much comfort in it.  I was thinking one afternoon while the tears were spilling down my face, that everyone who’s ever lost a child should hear this song.  No sooner had I thought that, did the Holy Spirit tug on my heart and whisper to me, “including all the women who have lost a child to abortion.” You see, in my frustration and grief I failed to remember that my calling as a follower of Christ is to love.  To love the way Jesus did.  My hate was my judgment, and I have absolutely no right to that.  Only God himself can see into the hearts of men and women.  He is mercy and love, truth and justice, light and life.  I can barely get out of bed in the morning without sinning!  I’m a walking billboard for screwing the whole thing up!  I had to humble my heart and ask for His forgiveness…and pray for him to open my eyes to see people the way that he does. 

Now my heart was broken again, only not just for myself…but for all the moms out there who have had to grieve the loss of their children in silence and shame. Here I am with a whole congregation and family behind me while there are women out there who suffer in complete silence and isolation.  I’m just devastated for them…I want to come over and cry with them, to share in their grief and loss. I want to be a safe place for someone to say, “I had an abortion when I was__. I think about my baby all the time.” I want to love people in a way that makes it very clear that my heart and home are a safe place to let your guard down.  I have so much to learn, so many ways in which I need to grow.  As Christians, we are so very comfortable with our own sin, and so uncomfortable with everyone else’s. We’re such idiots sometimes!  

I know sin is a hard word to hear if you’ve had an abortion.  Most people are very uncomfortable with the word “sin.”  Proclaiming God’s truth is a very unpopular choice these days, and I’m sure that there are those who will go to their own grave defending a woman’s right to “choose.”  The point of this post is not to try and change someone’s mind about it, but to share what the Bible says and how that’s affected my own life.  So, I will only briefly touch on why I believe that abortion is not what God desires. I’m certainly no expert or theologian, but I know what sin does to a person firsthand …and I know how Satan would just love to keep my friends and family in bondage to a choice they cannot un-make.   

The question of abortion for me has never been, “when does life start?”  In my mind, the more important question has always been, “when does a soul begin?”  I believe that is a question that only God himself can answer. Listen to part of Jeremiah 1:5 and Psalm 139:

Jeremiah 1:5a  “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,” (emphasis is mine)

Psalm 139: 13-16

^“13 For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.”

Did you catch that? God has accounted for our souls before we are even conceived!  

So where does that leave you, friends, who have had an abortion? I believe it leaves you and I hand-in-hand wading through the same deep waters of loss.   We are more alike than we are different.  I’ve shared with you my own weakness and the sin of hatred that I was wrestling with.  I’ve got plenty more sins I could list off if you need further proof of my complete inadequacy!  But, I found forgiveness in Christ.  I love Psalm 103.  Listen to this portion:

^“8 The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
    slow to anger, abounding in love.
⁹ He will not always accuse,
    nor will he harbor his anger forever;
¹⁰ he does not treat us as our sins deserve
    or repay us according to our iniquities.
¹¹ For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
    so great is his love for those who fear him;
¹² as far as the east is from the west,
    so far has he removed our transgressions from us.”

This is what separates Christianity from every other religion in the world.  There is literally NOTHING you can do on your own to gain Christ and eternal life.  There is literally NOTHING you can do to be excluded from his offer of grace and forgiveness.  It’s a free gift, and once accepted can never be lost.   

If you’ve never given your life completely to God, I encourage you to get down on your knees as I have and surrender it all.  If you thought that whether or not to have a baby was the most important decision of your life, you were very wrong.  This is by far the most important decision…with eternal significance. You have a perfect Heavenly Father who wants nothing more than to draw you up under his wing and to protect you.   In His great love, you will find a God who is big enough to take your loss, as he has mine, and make it into something beautiful.   But don’t sorrow alone…we should never sorrow alone.  I encourage you to seek out a Christian pastor, friend, or pregnancy center that offers post-abortion counseling.   Share your story and hurt, and be amazed as our Great God and Wonderful, Merciful, Savior comes into your soul and begins to restore what was lost. If you ever doubt if His grace is sufficient enough, take heart:

2 Corinthians 12:9

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."

I’d like to leave you with the song that touched my heart.  It is by a group called Selah, and the lead male vocalist and his wife carried their daughter, and delivered her, knowing she would die during delivery or shortly after.  She lived just long enough to take some family pictures, and to change my heart forever.  This song captured every sentiment Ryan I have felt toward our son.  I hope if you have experienced an abortion, you will hear this and find healing with me.  I pray someday at the greatest of all reunions in heaven, we will be standing side-by-side with each other…and hand-in-hand with our sweet babies.